Contentment
by bardockssj4
Summary: Gintoki contemplates on what he has always wanted.


**Disclaimer** : Gintama is owned by Sorachi Hideaki. This is a non-profit fan-based work.

His earliest memories are of a blood-soaked battlefield - a small child determined to survive, hardened to the bloodshed around him. Memories of stripping corpses for food, sleeping under the starless sky, running for his life, still flicker in his mind's eye to this day. Aloofness born of necessity grips him. His desires are limited to surviving to see another day. Date and time are foreign, useless concepts to him. He remembers not when the strange, long-haired man - a samurai, as he learns later - arrives, but his words are deeply engraved in his mind  
still. The man offers help, offers to guide him. And, for the first time in his life, a foreign feeling washes through him. Even as his instincts warn him to be wary of everything, his heart yearns follow the man.

Months and years pass by. He now has shelter, food, and companions. Reading and writing are taught to him, and the not-so-strange man, Yoshida Shoyou, upholds his promise and teaches him to properly use a sword. His world expands - kindness, cruelty, envy, desire, affection are now known to him to be a part of this world. He learns of people of different nations, different planets, even. Still, he is content. Shouka Shonjuku is his home now, and he does not desire anything more.

A few years later, he is no longer a passive child. He is a soldier, fighting to take his home back. His companions are now his comrades, brothers-in-arms. He find bloodshed distasteful, but he is the best at it. Now, the 'demon child' is the 'White _Yaksha_ ', a name spoken both in reverence and terror. One by one his comrades fall to the superior technology of the _Amanto_. He knows it is a futile battle, a pitiful attempt to delay the inevitable. But, for him and his closest companions, something more important than the country or bushido is at stake.

The war, surprisingly, drags on for a multitude of reasons. Amidst the frenzy of battle they become legends, and yet they are no closer to saving their master. Even as they lose all hope, they keep on fighting and pushing the _Amanto_ back. He buries his tears and sorrows and fears within layers and layers of foibles, vices, and laughter. By the good fortune that had evaded him most of his life, he finds his master safe and sound. But the gods of fortune do not smile upon a demon. He hardens his heart and makes a choice. His compatriots live with shattered hearts and broken dreams. The war ends, and, along with it, his entire world.

After months of wandering aimlessly, feeling much like he did as a little lost boy, in penance and pain, he loses his will to live. Samurai have lost respect and employability, and many of them choose to die by harakiri. He struggles for long, but starvation and guilt have eroded all strength. Once again, he loses all desire. He drags his body to a graveyard and prepares to die without causing trouble.

As he prepares to die, and reminisces of times past, he hears a clacking sound just behind him. An old lady offers manjuu to her dead husband, and, once again, the desire to live ignites in him. Even if he is grasping at straws, he consumes the manjuu, and attempts to strike a deal with the old lady. To his astonishment, the old woman - Otose is hear name - accepts his feeble offer, and he heads off to start a new life by preserving his master's principles.

During his time in Kabuki-cho, he meets a lot of new people - swordless but prideful samurai, a plain but kindhearted boy, a monstrously strong girl looking for shelter, a Madao abandoned by Lady Luck, a robotic maid, ninja and police stalkers, fellow sadists, mayonnaise-addicted stuck-up bastards, a supremely patient leader, and so on. Except for the  
occasional adventure which his beliefs lead him to, he now lives a peaceful life. He still sees some of his old friends. Everyday life is frugal and his vices balance out any stroke of good fortune. He bickers and fights with his friends but they have each other's backs during times of need.

And, after long last, despite his pachinko obsession and hare-brained get-rich-quick schemes, he is completely content. The wound in his heart due to the loss of his master, his old home , and his friends remains, never to be healed. He thinks it is just that his guilt should haunt him for his life, and accepts it. He has a new home, a new family now. Someday, somewhere, despite all his strength and attempts to protetct it, he may lose his home again, like he hid so many years ago.  
For now, he is content.

 **FIN**


End file.
